what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
