she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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