Porn is love you can see.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
