his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
