i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
