Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize