normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
