youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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