Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
