Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm passing your future prison.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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