You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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