he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just found a bag of teeth...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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