He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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