we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
