cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
