My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
