Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
