I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
