Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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