if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
