Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
