Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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