it was like his penis was on wheels.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
