hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize