I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
