I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
