You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize