Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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