I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
