She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
