I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It was confusing and full of hummus
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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