I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
