I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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