Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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