I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
