I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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