Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
