Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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