Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
