I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
