yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
