I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
