I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Randomize
