I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize