your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
