I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
