well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
