wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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