and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
