is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
