Hey man sorry I got all grabby
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
