its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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