just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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