i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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