Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Couch. On fire.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
