honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize