I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
