his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
