Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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