idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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