You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
