I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
