i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
