I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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