i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
