We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
