Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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