i love accidental penises.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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