Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
