wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
