So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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