If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
