I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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