I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
ttyl tear gas
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
