I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
