She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize