I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
