My friends, they love my intelligence
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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