We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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