can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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