I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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