Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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