I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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