DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
