I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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