you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
