It was confusing and full of hummus
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
