Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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