I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
