About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
