She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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