Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Green mimosas i think yes
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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