I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
