If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
