i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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