True but thats because hes a fetus.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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