Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
