I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
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