do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
