Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
