dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
