why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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