Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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